It happened AGAIN. Twice, actually.
Tell me if any of you have had this experience - you are being introduced to someone for the first time and find yourself involved in this (or a similar version of this) conversation:
Stranger: "So, what do you do?"
Me: "I'm a mom. I have three little boys I stay home with."
This is usually followed by that look of "I'm trying not to be surprised and let her see that I think that's such a waste" and then an aquaintance will pipe in something along the following lines:
Aquaintance: "Yeah, but you do ________ too." Or "Yeah, but you use to work." Or "Yeah, but you'll probably go back to work when they are all in school." Or - you get the point. Like I was embarassed (or maybe they were) by my lack of career status or something.
This is usually followed by the stranger saying something like, "Wow! I would have never guessed!"
I don't really get that. Why not? Because my hair isn't in curlers and I have make-up on? Because I'm not in a bathrobe? Because I wear jewelry? What is it? Or is it because I don't seem the "motherly" type, whatever that is? I always kind of laugh at that remark. Talk about stereotypes! The only other stereotype that I battle more against than being a stay-at-home mom is being Mormon.
Or better yet, here is another scenario that happens often. You are walking through a store or some other public place and someone makes a comment like, "That's why I stopped at one." Yes, ugly weird guy at Target, I would have stopped at one if I was you, too. Or, this one really irks me, "Yeah, I couldn't do that. I have to get out of the house!" Yes, because as a stay-at-home mom you never leave your house, much less take a shower and groom yourself.
Since when did my choosing to stay home and actually raise my kids myself become something that needs an explanation or an excuse or an apology for? I am a mom. I chose to be a mom. I chose to stay home with my kids. I do not feel like I am missing out on "the real world" or that I have "lost myself" or any other things you hear.
I've had success in other areas of life. I got good grades, I worked in my field, I met all the goals I had for myself. I do not feel like I have wasted my education or my talents. I feel like I have done all those "other things" and this is what I want to do now.
I think it is funny that if you say you have more than one or two kids, it is considered a BIG family. Actually, I think that is sad. I feel like the family is becoming so minimalized now, that I am proud to be able to say I am a mom. And I never say "I'm just a mom" or "I just stay home." So if you say that, whether you are a mom or not, STOP SAYING IT. You are touching, shaping, and creating the future.
I don't think I am the best mom ever, but I try to be a decent one and I hope that my efforts will produce happy, productive people who choose the right. It truly is the greatest thing I have ever done. It is challenging and exhausting and exhilirating and so rewarding all in one. You can't get that ride from a paycheck!
9 comments:
It's cool to read this. I remember when you weren't sure if you wanted to stay home all day with Jayden. This was when you were pregnant. I told you that you would. And, I was right, of course. :)
People are retarded. Seriously. My fave is when a man will say "Wow. Looks like you have your hands full." And then let the door slam on me. Gee thanks jerk.
And I always said I wanted to be a mom when I grew up. That's why I haven't stressed about finishing college or whatever. I mean, I want to, but I'm already exactly what I wanted to be "when I grow up."
Those "women" who find it so hard to understand why any woman would want to stay home with children........are freakin unbelievable. But, I think that I feel the same way about being with my kids as they do about their JOBS. I can't imagine NOT being here!! Right were God put me. They really have no idea what they are missing out on, but they have become stuck in this "feminist" mentalitly. I feel for their children and fear the world they will help shape!
Bravo! Good for you! Here's the problem out there: As a woman, it's okay to choose what you want to do UNLESS your choice is to stay at home with your kids. That's looked down upon. Why is that? You're a GREAT mom -- and a great-looking, well put together, on-top-of-it mom at that!
ps - tori, I run into that person every day! not holding the door open while making some comment about how difficult it must be...grrr...
I think staying at home takes so much, we are as strong, smart and independant as any other woman that waits around for a man to write her paycheck! Raising my children to be well educated, socially appropriate, well mannered, people who work hard and develop their talents and testimonies takes a lot more work than showing up to an office at 9am.
I just finished college at 40! didn't go back until after 30! I am glad to be done so I can be more of a mom- which is my favorite thing to do.
I was lucky to stay home when my kids were really little and then schedule school around them. Yep- I said schedule school around them. they come first.
I think the career women who think you can be rewarded being a mom who doesn't work outside the home are in denial of their real feelings about being an inadequate parent. But that's just my view. I'd much rather be with my kids.
ps- linked you from Tori:)
Hi, I linked over from Tori's. I just wanted to say how good I thought this post was! I recently read a book that talks about exactly what you've been saying. It is so good! Good for you for staying home with your kids and giving them what they deserve!
Hi everyone! Sorry, I've been out of town (still am) for 2 weeks, so I haven't been on. Thanks for your comments and welcome new people! Yea! I have like 5 readers now! ;-)
Great post! So when do you start writing your book????
I always love reading what you write. Heidi
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