I Remember

"We love death. The U.S. loves life.

That is the big difference between us."

- Osama Bin Laden

It is amazing to me that it has already been 8 years since 9/11. I'm sure everyone has their "where were you?" moment when you found out what was happening. For me, I was in the kitchen of our six-plex apartment in Provo, Utah, feeding Big J a breakfast of cut up bananas and Cheerios. He was 12 days away from his 1st birthday. JC was out of town on a business trip in Atlanta. (He was actually suppose to fly back that day, but when all the air traffic was shutdown, he didn't make it back for three more days). He was the one who called me and asked if I was watching the news. I wasn't, and so he told me planes had been flown into the World Trade Center buildings. I turned it on in time to see the first building fall. I remember I just stood there shocked. Not even comprehending exactly what I was watching.

And then I prayed.

I saw a documentary about 9/11 this week on the National Geographic Channel and seeing the footage brought back the same sadness and disbelief I felt the day it happened. I am not a great journal keeper (hence the blog) but it just so happens that when this happened I had just started a journal about a month before and was writing in it regularly. Here are a few excerpts from what I wrote that day:

"...I cannot even describe what I feel. As I watched with the rest of the world in horror as footage of the actual planes crashing into the buildings, of the smoke and fire and debris, of the massive destruction, of the fear in the faces of the people running for their lives, of people choosing to jump to their death instead of being burned alive, of the towers crashing to the ground...the list goes on...I felt fear, disgust, and shock. The security (possibly false) that I had always taken for granted in this country was suddenly undermined. I just kept asking, "How could this happen?!"...

I think about how many lives have been directly and indirectly changed today. Those thousands of people who died just got up and went to work or got on a plane and now they are dead. I can't imagine the terror the people in those hijacked planes must have felt as they realized what was happening. These were normal moms and dads, sisters and brothers, co-workers and friends and now they are dead. It makes me sick and very, very sad...

There have been monumental things happen during my lifetime (to name a few - the Cold War, the dissolution of the Soviet Union, the Berlin Wall coming down, the Challenger blowing up, the Oklahoma City bombings, Columbine, the Gulf War - even things like CDs, the first colored pictures in the newspaper, the Internet, etc.) but I know I will remember this day, these images, and these feelings most of all...

It's crazy to think I've been a witness to all this. It frightens me to think what kind of atrocities are to follow. What kind of world will my kids have to face? I watched *Big J* playing and laughing and learning today just as he does everyday, having no idea history was being made. I wished I could just hold him and protect him from all the evil in the world. But then just as quickly as that thought came, the thought that he is our future also came. He is the embodiment of pureness, innocence, and righteousness. He is the embodiment of the light and hope I still feel. There is evil in the world, and a lot of it, but there is also goodness - a lot more of it. And that goodness will prevail."